I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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