When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
