everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't deserve a penis
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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