I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
