His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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