Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
