I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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