My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I want her autograph on my taint
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
