I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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