WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
