i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
