why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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