she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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