You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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