Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
