From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
