Princesses don't give blow jobs
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
