he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
