no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
