too bad you live with your parents still
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
