I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
