never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
