Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
