I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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