Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
