My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
