Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
