i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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