um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
