woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
