she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
