Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
