Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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