Please, let me fuck your mom
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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