its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
