how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
