Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
