Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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