That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
