i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
