if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I puked a lego.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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