All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
