if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
