I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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