oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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