I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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