i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
