What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need a beard to bite.
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What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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