my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.