kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
