arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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