So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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