just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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