the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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