GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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