I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
