no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
