Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
