Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
