Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
