I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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