My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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