i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
