So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
