Banned from zoo.
Again?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
